What do graduation and retirement have in common?
By Daniel ORourke
05-25-06

Graduations and retirements are frequent this time of year. Besides the obvious transitions of entering or leaving gainful employment, what do college commencements and retirement parties have in common?

We all know the differences. The graduates are bright-eyed and idealistic. They wave their diplomas in the air and blow kisses to their families. They wear caps and gowns. The dreams of the young dance in their heads. The retirees are battle worn and older, perhaps a bit burnt-out and tired. They say the right things, but nod wisely and quietly move on. No caps crown their graying or balding heads. They receive no diploma only a gold watch or its equivalent. But what makes graduates and retirees similar?

Both are beginning something new. Thats why they call graduations commencements. The new and unknown, however, also stare retirees in the face. Both graduates and retirees are turning the page to another chapter. Both have the opportunity to use this newfound freedom to do something different and meaningful. But just what should they be doing in this next stage? What is lifes purpose anyway? Now, that is the question.

Philosophers, psychologists and preachers suggest different answers -- or at least different spins. After all, theyre talking about the great question of existence. Heres one answer I like. The American psychiatrist Karl Menninger told us, The central purpose of each life should be to dilute the misery of the world. Ive quoted Menningers insight on these pages before. I like it because it is realistic. He said, dilute not eradicate. None of us will ever wipe out misery. Even the saints, Nobel Prize recipients, eminent musicians and artists cant.

Graduates and retirees, however, can do something. They have a fresh opportunity to dilute that misery wherever they work, with whomever they live, or to wherever they retire. No matter what the new job or community, theyll have the chance to lighten others burdens. Whether they are a teller at a bank, a singer or stand-up-comedian in a nightclub, a surgeon in a cancer unit, or the newest member of a retirement community, they can help dilute the misery. They will not have to look far  perhaps just to their own families. Wherever life takes them lots of hurts need healing.

Mother Theresa told someone that we should all find our own Calcutta. We all have different gifts and graces. Few of us are called as she was to minister to the dying and abandoned poor in Calcuttas streets, but life calls all of us to contribute something. Perhaps its a pro bono service, an anonymous contribution, a voluntary gift of time, or kindly answers to a stressed spouse, customer or client.

In the spiritual lore of India, it is said that God whispered only one word in our ears when he sent us into the world -- or into the workplace or retirement -- Give. Give freely of your time, your talent, your resources; give without asking for anything in return. Eknath Easwaran in Words to Live By.

This giving is not just altruism. Whether this loving kindness finds expression within or outside our families, paradoxically it has the potential to make us happy. Happiness isnt purchased or produced directly; its a by-product. The more we seek it of itself, the more it eludes us. It often comes when we find our own Calcuttas. It can spring up within when we try to dilute the misery of the world in our workplaces, communities and homes.

I read once of a retired priest who would go to the park each day to sit on the bench in the sunshine. The sun warmed his arthritic joints and lessened his pain, but in the park he saw the hungry poor. He noticed the bag ladies and the homeless. Back in his apartment he began making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The next day from his park bench hed hand them out to the hungry.

The media picked up on what he was doing. It was a first-rate human-interest story. It made the televisions evening news. People began to send him money. The old priest was annoyed -- and if the truth be known a bit grumpy. He returned the donations. He mailed them back with a mimeographed note, paper-clipped to the bill or check. The unsigned note read, Make your own damn sandwiches!

Thats what life calls the graduates and retirees to do. Whether at the beginning or end of their careers, they should be thinking not only of jobs, benefits or endless relaxation, but also of making those sandwiches. Despite their own struggles and pain -- and eventually they will have their share of both -- life urges them and indeed all of us to find our own Calcuttas and to dilute the misery.

Daniel ORourke is a former Observer Clergy Columnist. Hes a married Catholic priest, retired from the administration at State University College, Fredonia. A mediator for the Center for Resolution and Justice, he lives in Cassadaga, NY. His column appears the second and fourth Thursday of each month. Comments may be sent to orourke@netsync.net